feasting.moderation.forbidden.

The one with the old job and the new one

This was a picture of my last day at work.  You can definitely see my droopy lazy eye in this picture.  I get it whenever I am tired, have cried, or have too much liquid.  I look completely drained and as if you did not  know that already, that day I was completely drained. 

I only went there once this week, but I also went out to eat once with Holly. 

I miss them still.

This week was much better at s&g.  I learned about corporations as in how to get things incorporated.  I also learned how scotch is made.  I completed my Notary class online yesterday and just have to get my stamp and then I will be able to have a bigger part in the will signings other than just a lowly witness.  I will be a witness with a stamp!  Everything will be picking up the next few weeks.  One of our main paralegals who basically runs the place will be out for surgery, so I will be moving up faster than expected.  I was told by two of the lawyers that everyone seems to like me alright.  That is good. 

I wish I had more of an idea of what in the world I was doing.  I am learning though.  It will just take time.

have a great weekend.
~smb

the one with the ships.

This is the picture that is practically hanging in my face at my new desk.  The tiny caption at the bottom says 'I told you so'.  What do you think this means?  Well, I have it narrowed down to three things:

1.  I often referred to my old company as a sinking ship.  So... I told you so,  I told you that 'ship' would sink.

2.  A few people told me that I would regret the move.  So... I told you so, I told you that you would regret it.

3.  I better get someone to fix the gutter on my new company's rental property or there will be a waterfall in the alley.  So... I told you so, I told you that you better get that gutter fixed. 

I'm hoping for option 1. 

I have a few people going to look at the gutter though, just in case. 

~smb

The one with the last day.

The day started out with two sets of tears while I was getting ready.  Then I walked into the office and was greeted by balloons, streamers, and banners.  I walked through a doorway of sparkly streaming ribbons back into my office which was also filled with balloons, streamers, and banners.  My two favorite co-workers were standing there and one asked the other if I was going to cry.  I turned around and walked back up front into the bathroom and let tears leak out of my eyes until they were slightly red and at their best blue*.  Then I faced my day. 

I did pretty well.  About as well as everyone else did.  We put a sign up front and turned the phones off and went to lunch from 11:40 - 2:00.  We laughed about old times and I made toasts, one for each of them.  While we were sitting there I finally felt a sense of peace about the whole thing.  I realized that you can never take 12 years away from anyone, and we really were a family.  Things will be different, but I will always be able to go back and hang out.  I don't love what I do, I love them.  This I already knew, but like I said, I just felt a peace about it.  We got back to the office and did our own thing for maybe an hour.  Then we had cake.  Holly constructed a 'who knows Serena the best' survey type thing and it was hilarious to watch.  The prize was an autographed picture of me.  Super cheesy, but they all loved it and thought it was funny.

For every birthday or special event a card goes out.  Everyone signs it and while we eat cake we read the card out loud and guess who wrote what.  I asked them if they wanted me to read the card.  The all agreed it would be a good idea.  I opened the envelop to find a picture of my six favorite fictional friends smiling at me.  Then I opened it, it was a singing card.  All I had to hear were the first few words 'I'll be there' and I could feeling the burning behind my eyes and the tightening in my throat begin.  I shut the card and said... OK!  TIME FOR THE PINATA!  Oh, that is correct, I forgot to mention, they got me a pinata!  

We broke the pinata, took pictures, and while on a normal day before a holiday we leave at 4 or before, we all stayed until 5:30.  I gave everyone a card, yes I finally finished them and no one even bothered to try to read them.  For the first time in 12 years I hugged them.  I held on to the door way for a second while walking out.  I got into my car while Holly snapped pictures and let go (even though I objected, and argued with her) a single balloon that said she would miss me. 

That was it.  The best day of work I have ever had and also the worst.  I will put up some pictures next week.  Holly took a gazillion.  Wish me luck on Monday.

Happy 4th of July weekend.

~smb

*unfortunately your eyes are always the prettiest when you cry.  I am sure you know that, but oddly enough it sorta comforts me when I am having a break down to look in the mirror and see how much prettier my eyes are than any time of laughter.  I am weird.

The one before my last day.

Why would I ever think that I could write notes to my co-workers.  Really... why would I think I could do that without emotion and just write them out all quick-like.  Do I know myself but at all?
Apparently not.

I think what is ridiculous about all of this is that these are grown men and I am not the 15 year old kid that started there... instead of the kid in the back, I am the woman that works side by side with them.  It is such a weird situation and I just can't help but be weepy emotional about it.

I am going to tell you about them.

RW is 70.  Old and grumpy.  He has been my favorite for years.  He is so mean and will not hesitate to give you an 'up yours', but at the same time he will hug you and tell you how much you mean to him and call you sweetie.  He also ate the middle out of my 16th birthday cake.  The middle... a huge square out of the middle.

TH is in his early 40s.  He thinks he is so cool.  He wears a wallet chain and hopes that a ufo will come and snag him one day.  He is the one that can probably make me the most mad, but he is also the one that stood outside one day in the blaring Florida sun and tried to help me break into my cars to get my keys.  He is also the one that is the quickest to go after someone that is the least bit rude to me. 

RV is in his early 30s.  We are the closest in age and are the most like brother/sister.  Every Monday we spend our morning recapping our weekends.  While he is riding mattresses behind a 4 wheeler I am dancing downtown.  We are completely different.  He is one of the most encouraging people I know. 

SO is in his mid 50s.  He is the one that made me cry when I went home on my first day.  He is the one that makes me cry the most.  I think its because he is the closest in age to my dad, but he isn't really like a dad to me.  He taught me the most, as in how to draw.  He also changed a few flat tires for me.  I have stayed out with he and his wife on a few occasions until we had to go home because, well... you just have to go home, you live there. 

I have written plenty about my boss... he does not get a card.  My manager doesn't get one either.  He probably won't even acknowledge that I am leaving.  Then there is Holly.

Holly is one of my best friends.  The first time I saw her she was wearing knee high boots and some weird skirt and I thought that we would never get along.  We ended up living together.  We have been each other's number one confidant for the last 6 years and the thought of not seeing her every day makes my stomach swoop in sadness.

One of my clients came in last week and asked me if I was going to a place that was like family.  He said.. where you are now, its like your family, are you going somewhere where it can be like your family.  I said yes, I think so. 

I hope so.

This is the hardest thing I have had to do... it isn't just a job to me.  It isn't. 

I hope I can get through tomorrow.

~smb