feasting.moderation.forbidden.

the one with the sky.

Its a beautiful sky tonight and if you were by my side then we would share it, but you're gone... so come at me with moon and burn me with your stars, cause nothing matters anymore......

There are times when I get upset, I feel slightly cheated.  I open up an issue of AP and see familiar faces not only in tiny articles, but also on the cover.  I just feel like Jason got cheated somehow... that he should be in there.  I just can't make sense of it.  He was better then alot of them, he is still better.. and that isn't just the crazy girlfriend in me... its true.  But, the thing is if he was on covers and featured on endcaps of Best Buy with our other friends he wouldn't be with me. 

Sunday night we hung out with my brother and his wife and discussed politics and religion over a few hoppy beverages.  On the way home Jason and I played this game where he would name a song and I would have to sing it.  It sounds incredibly corny, but it really is hilarious.  We had to stop at his parents house to pick up Radio and before we knocked on the door I tackled him in the front yard.  We ended up lying in the grass watching the stars peak out from behind the cloudy sky.  I didn't feel cheated that night.  I felt like the luckiest girl, because I was able to share the sky with my husband on Sunday. 

On Thursday we will celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary.

Even though he isn't drumming every night, I am still extremely proud of him and there is no one else that I would rather share night skies with.

Have a beautiful sky.

~smb

the one with all the boys.

I have mentioned before that I check out girls for my guy friends.  I do it all the time.  I am on constant look out for someone that can be my friend and their lover.

Saturday night we went out for Amber's birthday.  Out of the group that was with us there were 3 taken girls, 3 taken boys, and seven single boys.  So, I was on the look out for a new friend for me and a life mate for the available boys.

Jason was talking to a trio of girls and when I found out he worked with them I decided I should go over and say hello.  I thought, you know... I should be nice to these ladies and maybe they could be my friend and could at the least get a free drink from one of the boys.

Jason introduced me then did his own thing and I started talking to them.  I asked if any were single and then asked if they wanted to go dance with us.  I told them that I was with a bunch of single boys.  While I was talking to them about this and other things a few of the boys wandered over to see what I was up to.  Then the main girl....the girl that was dressed as if she was running to the gas station to get a gallon of milk (you know, like she was in the middle of baking and needed something, so she didn't bother to change) decided to get a little rude.

'So, I bet it makes you feel really good to be around all those guys doesn't it?  I bet it makes you feel really good about yourself and that you just love it.', said mean receptionist at Jason's work girl.

'um, what?', was basically my response.

At that moment though, the usual feisty while out Serena decided that since these were girls that J worked with I would not say something inappropriate.  Instead I just said... 'well, we are about to go, if you guys want to come, you are more than welcome.  If you don't its no big deal.'

She really hurt my feelings.  She said it as if I was some jackass girl.  I just really don't have very good luck when it comes to going down town.  Every single time, something happens.

Stupid girl. 

So, thats me... I like to make myself feel good by surrounding myself with boys.. if you are a boy, please come over and just stand next to me so my self esteem will be boosted.

~smb

the one without a funeral.

My mom used to work at a flower shop.  When she first started she made the mistake of abbreviating an order with 'FUN' for funeral.  Apparently somehow the order slip was seen by the purchaser and they were slightly offended.  Funerals are just not supposed to be fun. 

Last July I wrote a post about a last minute trip to Miami to visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins for a sort of pre-death party.

This coming weekend I think we are going to get together for an after death party.

Funerals are not fun, but celebrating life should be.

My aunt Andrea passed away yesterday morning.  We have been expecting it for quite some time.  When I spoke to my uncle yesterday he told me that she was ready to go three weeks ago.  Its one of those things that just suck incredibly, but also one of those times when it actually is somewhat comforting to know that she is in a better place, because she just didn't want to live the way she was living any more.

I haven't seen her since last July.  I have talked to her a few times on the phone, but I haven't actually seen her.  When I was last there I spent some one on one time with her sitting on her bed with her dogs and she told me that she didn't want a funeral.  She told me that she didn't want any sort of ceremony, that if we wanted to come down to spend time with the family then to go ahead, but to not have an official service. 

So, there won't be a service, but right now we are trying to organize a family gathering of sorts to take place either here or in Miami.  A time where I am sure many beverages will be toasted and many hugs will be given.

It really just sucks and I am just pretty sad. 

Cancer sucks.

~smb