feasting.moderation.forbidden.

the one after the reunion

I know, I know.  After months and months of talking up this reunion (11 to be exact) I just didn't give a recap or anything.

I just don't know exactly what to say.  It went smoothly.  Some people complained, most people were appreciative.  I was able to re-kindle some old friendships, but also remember why I am not friends with certain people.  I realized that cliques still exist, and unfortunately, or luckily (it depends on how you look at it) I was in the largest one.  I also realized that people were really mean to me at times, and I just didn't think anything of it and now feel pretty stupid. 

It was fun hanging out with my high school boyfriend and it not being weird even though other people thought it was.  He is a nice guy.  Another guy that I dated on the other hand was a total ass.  He has probably always been a total ass, I just never realized it until Friday night.  I also hung out with a few people that I wish I would have known while I was in high school.  We never had any classes together and last week was the first time I actually met one girl.  Very weird especially because our school was so small.

I didn't say goodbye to anyone other than my gang.  I was busy cleaning up and didn't realize that everyone left.  Its kinda sad actually, no one made a point to say goodbye. 

The good news is, that is enough out of me regarding class reunions.  Now I need to concentrate on something else.  I need a new subject to lie awake stressing over... hmm... I think I have Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, then 5 weddings to get through before June.  That should be enough.

~smb

The one the day of the reunion

It has been nineteen years since I met two of my closest friends.  Nineteen. 

I have known my husband for seventeen years.

I have been friends with my MOH for sixteen years.

I like to keep people around.

Tonight starts the weekend extravaganza that I have been dreading and looking forward for months.

Our ten year high school reunion kicks off tonight with a tour of the school.  I am leaving work early to get rid of some anxiety with part of my gang.  I can't wait to see them. 

Update soon.

~smb

(wish me luck)

The one with the hand holding.

I attended a small private school from kindergarten through the third grade.

We always went outside for recess unless it was raining.  During the first and second grade while sitting in the dark room watching a movie about Jesus a certain boy would always sit next to me and we would always hold hands.  At times not only would Bryan hold my hand, but he would hold the hand of another girl.  Thinking back on it, the teacher had to know this was going on, but we thought we were very sneaky.  In third grade we were to old for this holding hands foolishness and that is where our relationship ended... on the floor of a dark room on a rainy day. 

In the last twenty years I may have seen Bryan a handful of times.  I couldn't even tell you when I saw him last.  I can tell you for certain that I won't see him again.  Last night he died unexpectedly.  He was 29.  He was recently married.

It is another one of those things that you ask, 'why'?  Unfortunately I am finding it harder and harder to comfort myself with the familiar verses that pulse through my heart.  They just aren't working very well anymore.  I am currently reading a book called The Shack.  Apparently it is on a bunch of 'must read' lists and is supposed to be life changing.  I am not finished with it, but the more I read the more my heart is actually hardened instead of warmed.  The story is about how a father deals with the murder of his young daughter and his visit with God. 

I am not sure if it is my current job where I constantly have someone's will on my desk or something else, but I continueally grow more and more scared of death.  Not of my own, but of those around me.  It really scares me, and I am not really interested in living with this fear, but I am having a hard time giving it up.

Chances are if you are reading this I love you.

~smb