The one that isn't really full of thanks.

The simplest things can do it.  They can make that pit form in your stomach and the wet sprout from behind your eyes.  Just cutting broccoli on a cutting board... that is what did it this time.  It totally has nothing to do with the slowly draining bottle of red that the godfather left at the house.  It really doesn't.  Its one of those days that when you are supposed to think of all that you have, instead you start to focus on all that you don't have.  That could just be me though... you know the girl that acts as though everything is half full, but knows inside everything is half empty. 

Its not that I am really lacking anything, I am just lacking a few anyones.  Well, a few specific someones and simply cutting broccoli on a cutting board and realizing that there won't be cherry pie on the dessert table is enough. 

A friend of ours got hit by a car while he was riding his bike this week and he is just fine, but when Jason told me I got all teary.  Later on in the week I found out that my cousin's wife died from an overdose.  I had no reaction.  No reaction other than to worry if he was next.  At times I can be extremely hard and seem almost uncaring, and at other times I am overboard. 

One thing I love about blogs is that they are stories that never end.  Your favorite characters are actually alive and real things happen to them.  I cry when a new baby is born, I cry when someone loses someone that they love.  I FEEL for them.  Even though that is what I love about blogging I am always so quick to pull away from feelings that I have, because I am not exactly thrilled about 'you' knowing what is going on, if that makes any sense at all, which it probably doesn't. 

Anyway... sorry, I am just vulnerable today.  Today on the day that I am to give thanks is the day that I am throwing a pity party for one.  There is no reason for it.  I am perfectly happy.  I have a wonderful husband, a great house, great friends, a great dog, an extremely stable job that I really do love at times... and yet the fucking cutting board that I was cutting broccoli on for a broccoli & cheese casserole (which is horrible by the way I just tried it) sends me into a downward spiral that I am not sure that I will easily be able to quickly recover.

Awesome.

Happy Thanksgiving.

xoxo
smb

Comments

[Joan268]

http://www.conusreplicas.com/conus-lukcom-replica-1706.htmlThe one that isn't really full of thanks.